It is Thanksgiving morning here in California and I was thinking of all the good things in my life I have to be thankful for, just as I know that so many of you are thinking today. I thought it would be nice to reprint a story and poem I first posted on this blog over five years ago, on the day The No Asshole Rule was published and it was updated shortly after on the day Vonnegut died. The key part is Vonnegut's Joe Heller poem, one of the last things he published before he died. His message that reminding ourselves how much we have (rather than how much we want), that so many of us "have enough," is timeless and especially fitting for the day. Enjoy and have a happy Thanksgiving.
I just heard that Kurt Vonnegut died. I loved his books and was touched by his sweet contribution, for creating the best moment I had when writing the book. His death makes me sad to think about, but his life brings me joy. All of us die in the end, it is the living that counts — and Vonnegut touched so many people. Here is my story.
The process of writing The No Asshole Rule entailed many fun twists and turns. But the very best thing happened when I wrote for permission to reprint a Kurt Vonnegut poem called "Joe Heller," which was published in The New Yorker. I was hoping that Vonnegut would give me permission to print it in the book, both because I love the poem (more on that later), and Vonnegut is one my heroes. His books including Slaughterhouse Five and Breakfast of Champions had a huge effect on me when I was a teenager– both the ideas and the writing style.
I wrote some anonymous New Yorker address to ask permission to reprint the poem, and to my amazement, I received this personal reply from Vonnegut about two weeks later. Take a look at the two sides of the postcard, it not only is in Vonnegut's handwriting and gives me permission to use it "however you please without compensation or further notice to me," the entire thing is designed by Vonnegut (and I suspect his wife helped, as she is a designer). "Life is No Way to Treat an Animal" is one of the famous sayings from his character Kilgore Trout — even the stamp is custom. It is one of my favorite things.
The poem fits well in my chapter on how to avoid catching asshole poisoning. Here is how I set it up in the book:
'If you read or watch TV programs about
business or sports, you often see the world framed as place where everyone
wants “more more more” for “me me me,” every minute in every way.
The old bumper sticker sums it up: “Whoever dies with the most toys wins.” The
potent but usually unstated message is that we are all trapped in a life-long
contest where people can never get enough money, prestige, victories, cool
stuff, beauty, or sex – and that we do want and should want more goodies than
everyone else.
This attitude fuels a quest for constant
improvement that has a big upside, leading to everything from more beautiful
athletic and artistic performances, to more elegant and functional products, to
better surgical procedures and medicines, to more effective and humane
organizations. Yet when taken too far,
this blend of constant dissatisfaction, unquenchable desires, and overbearing
competitiveness can damage your mental health. It can lead you to treat those “below” you as inferior creatures who are
worthy of your disdain and people "above" you who have more stuff and status as
objects of envy and jealousy.
Again, a bit of framing can help. Tell yourself, “I have enough.” Certainly,
some people need more than they have, as many people on earth still need a safe
place to live, enough good food to eat, and other necessities. But too many of
us are never satisfied and feel constantly slighted, even though – by objective
standards – we have all we need to live a good life. I got this idea from a lovely little poem
that Kurt Vonnegut published in The New
Yorker called “Joe Heller,” which was about the author of the renowned
World War II novel Catch 22. As you can see, the poem describes a party
that Heller and Vonnegut attended at a billionaire’s house. Heller remarks to Vonnegut that he has
something that the billionaire can never have, "The knowledge that I've
got enough." These wise words
provide a frame that can help you be at peace with yourself and to treat those
around you with affection and respect:
Joe Heller
True story, Word of Honor:
Joseph Heller, an important and funny writer
now dead,
and I were at a party given by a billionaire
on Shelter Island.
I said, "Joe, how does it make you feel
to know that our host only yesterday
may have made more money
than your novel 'Catch-22'
has earned in its entire history?"
And Joe said, "I've got something he can never have."
And I said, "What on earth could that be, Joe?"
And Joe said, "The knowledge that I've got enough."
Not bad! Rest in peace!"
–Kurt Vonnegut
The New Yorker,
May 16th, 2005
(Reprinted with Kurt Vonnegut’s permission — see the above postcard!)
P.S. I also added another post about Vonnegut after this one that was good fun, which talked about my favorite quote.
P.P.S. The first version of this post was written on February 22nd, the day The No Asshole Rule was published. I then updated in mid-April of 2007, after I heard that Vonnegut had died. This is the third update because it seems like such a great Thanksgiving message.