It was one of those things that, even as I did it, I was wondering, how my life had reached this point. The soundtrack that kept playing in mu mind was the Talking Heads, singing over and over, "Who am I? How did I get there?" There I was — and I guess still am –talking with a very respectable Harvard editor — Sarah Green – about the strategic use of swearing by bosses. You can listen to the podcast if you like, they just posted it here. This podcast weaves together issues from Dan McGinn's wildly popular HBR post Should Leaders Ever Swear?, and my follow-up posts here on strategic swearing and the evolutionary value of swearing. In the podcast and my posts I am careful to talk about the dangers of swearing at the wrong time and places, and of swearing too much. But I also am quite taken with the argument from academic work on the evolutionary value that " Taboo words persist because they
can intensify emotional communication to a degree that nontaboo words
cannot."
This topic stirred up numerous clashing opinions on my blog, from people who argued that it was inappropriate under any circumstances, to people who swore at the workplace and felt bad about it, to people who disliked their colleagues' swearing, to people who said it was bad for children. Two of my favorites made me think hardest — albeit in opposing directions:
This one from Liam-og Griffin struck my fancy both because I like the idea of strategic swearing (at the right times, as except when I talk about The No Asshole Rule, I virtually never swear when I teach or give a speech) and it fits very well with the evolutionary argument:
The
'f' word is unrivaled in power in the English language. It's got
aggression built in and demands to be heard. Choosing to avoid the use
of powerful words like this is like choosing to use a screwdriver to
drive a screw, when you've got a 24v drill driver in the back of the
van. Distinguished craftsmen would advocate the eloquence of using your
hands to create beautiful works of art in the same way a writer would
only use 'acceptable' language to colourfully express the full spectrum
of emotions.
I've got no problem if you want to be old school and proud of the
craftsmanship of your handy work, but you're out of your fucking mind if
you don't use the best tool for the job!
I love the last sentence. On the other hand, I was stopped in my tracks by a great point from a fellow who used to work at UCLA and had numerous conversations with the late John Wooden, the greatest and wisest basketball coach who ever lived:
Words
are tools – we tend to use the tools the most that have worked the best
for us in the past. My wife often uses the butt end of a screwdriver
to drive a nail. Makes me cringe, but she always seems to reach her
goal.
"Goodness gracious sakes alive."
That was all the swearing Coach Wooden ever needed. It's just a
matter of how you choose to apply your tools.
Coach Wooden is a tough act to follow! This is one of those cases, I confess, where I hold conflicting and inconsistent opinions. I try not to swear when it offends others or makes me look like an immature and inconsiderate jerk, but there are lot of times when it is the norm in a particular group, there are times when strategic use has effective shock value (I think the title of The No Asshole Rule is such a case), and their are times when I get pissed-off, swear, and then feel bad about it.
I also have a view about children that others may not hold: Even if you don't swear around them, most will learn to do it a very young age, and swear when their parents and other adults are not around. One of my favorite memories of my two daughters — my youngest Eve was about 3 and big sister Claire was about 6 — happened one day when they were outside my study (they didn't know I was there)and Claire was teaching Eve how to perform the word "shit." Not just say it, I mean perform it. I would hear, "Now Eve, you don't just say shit, you stomp your foot and you look real mad, like this…" and then Claire would model the desired behavior, and say "OK you try it." And then I would hear something like "That is OK, but stomp your foot harder and try to look a little madder." The Eve would say "Oh shit" and I would hear her foot stomp and big sister would say, "You've almost got it, try it one more time."
So, while swearing at the wrong times and in front of the wrong people is bad for children, my belief is they are going to do it mighty early themselves, and the best you can hope for is they will learn to use it sparingly and at the right times — and when those times come, to do it well!
We likely have exhausted this topic on this blog and at HBR. I will get back to something else, but the podcast got me going on the topic again.
Have a great fucking Fourth of July….
Sorry, I know it was tasteless, but I could not resist.