Category: The No Asshole Rule

I just got an interesting note about how one person uses The No Asshole Rule as a defensive tool at work. I have edited his email a bit for length and to protect the innocent (and the guilty):

“I’m currently working in a pretty toxic office that has a certified A-Hole in a senior management position. Even though this person should be a professional colleague and teammate, this person has gone out of her way to be rude, dismissive, and insulting, using all of the techniques you cover in your book. Her attacks are largely targeted at me for some unknown reason. I’ve never done anything to her or said anything offensive to her or about her to others. I’ve tried on several occasions to reach out to her with my assistance on projects where I have significant expertise, but she has quite rudely dismissed all my attempts to try and work with her as a teammate.

 I noticed an interesting phenomenon when I started leaving your book on the front of my desk. Her attacks seem to become less frequent after she noticed the title of the book (like garlic to a vampire). Until I am ready to move on to a more civilized workplace, I am employing your A-Hole avoidance practices to minimize exposure to her toxic attitude. They are working well and have made coming to work a more tolerable experience. I am also working hard to catch any A-Hole behavior that I may be about to perpetrate against others in the office. The best way I know is to try and stay humble and not let my ego fly out of control.
It really is a shame to see how this one person is killing morale and productivity in our office.

 This really could be a great place to work. The problem is that this person is a typical know-it-all who actually does know quite a bit. Her ego is too big to admit when she does not know something and she goes into A-Hole mode to blame other people when things go wrong, or don’t go her way.”

 It sounds to me like this manager is handling this quite maturely and wisely – applying many of the tips for people who are trapped with an asshole boss or in a nasty workplace, with the ultimate goal being to get out.
I would also love to hear from other people who have used the book as a defensive shield, or in other ways, at work.

Sorry!

The erasers all gone! If you got your request in before 3 Pacific Time, you will get an eraser.  Otherwise, I am sorry, they are all gone.

Thanks,

Bob

As I wrote over at the BusinessWeek site on toxic bosses, the ARSE or Asshole Rating Self-Exam continues to be used — this little self-test was taken from Chapter 4 of The No Asshole Rule. Guy Kawasaki put it on his blog, and came-up with that great name. I still have people introduce themselves with their number on the test, like “Hi, my name is Joe, and I am a 3.” (A”0″ would be someone who reports not a single asshole behavior; a “24” reports being an asshole in 24 different ways, like “You secretely enjoy watching other people suffer and squirm.”).  I just got an update from Emily at Electric Pulp and she reports that we are closing in on 160,000 completions (158, 411).  And the average person “scores” a 6.48, which I would call a “borderline certified asshole.” So, the self-examation continues.

P.S. Emily also gave me an update for the ACHE, the Asshole Client from Hell Exam (you can read aboout the orgin of it here).  It has been completed by 12,485 people who rate their nasty clients, with an average score of 14.3.  As this is a list of only 20 nasty client behaviors, this means the average respondent finds that his or her client is a certified asshole.

SORRY THEY ARE GONE

One of the little marketing gimmicks used by my publisher was to give away free “no asshole rule” erasers when the book first came out. People still talk to me about them and keep asking for them, but I had given away all but a small personal supply.  My publisher was kind enough to make-up another batch — the front and back of the new version is pictured above. If you want to see the original, look here. I am going to give a bunch away at my forthcoming AlwaysOn talk (there is a steep admission fee, but the live streaming video is free). I thought it would also be fun to share some erasers with readers of this blog.  And my 12 year-old daughter Eve is looking a bit bored today, and this seems like a perfect project.

So, if you send me an email to my gmail account, bobsutton54@gmail.com, and include your address. My daughter (who has much better handwriting than I do) will address the envelope and send you in an eraser. I promise I will delete the addresses after we get the envelopes out, as I despise SPAM and telemarketers as much as you do. I will let you know when we hit 100 and the give away is over.

P.S. In the name of honest advertising, note the actual eraser is smaller than that pictured.

I wrote a recent post called A Cautionary Tale: Watch the Email, about a Dean in Florida who apparently lost his job — in part — because he sent out a very nasty email, which was then leaked to the press.  I talked about a great IT guy I know who has his email set-up to delay emails for a few minutes after hitting the send button — allowing him time to change his mind before it is sent.  His name is Tim Keely and he just sent me an email with a link that explains how to do this in Microsoft Outlook.  It isn’t exactly simple, but I am going to go through the steps anyway as, I confess, there are times when I wish I had taken time to cool-off after hitting the “send” button, and could take back my words. Here are the steps. Thanks Tim!

As they say, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. I do, however, agree with Jon Gordon's general premise in The No Complaining Rule (as I understand it…I have just read through the chapter titles and jacket, and glanced through the book).  On this point, my favorite maverick, Annette Kyle, led one of the most impressive organizational transformations I've ever heard of at a loading terminal in Bayport, Texas (This is described in the prior link, and in detail in The Knowing-Doing Gap and Weird Ideas That Work).   One of the actions that Annette took was to sew "no whining patches" on employees uniforms, on the theory that if something was wrong, people should try to fix it rather than complain about it, if that didn't work, they should come to management and they should try to fix it together.  When the problem was impossible to change, however,  then her view was that it was a constraint that they just needed to work around.  In such cases, constant complaining about something they couldn't change, Annette argued, was poison because it made people depressed and diverted energy away from problems that they could solve.  

Yet I do worry that this new book, and even Annette's patches, are the kind of thing that can backfire in the wrong hands, unwittingly stifling people from pointing out problems that need to be fixed.  The no complaining rule may create fear of being labeled as a complainer or whiner, even when a person has legitimate concerns.  People need to feel psychologically safe to speak-up, or you end-up with disasters like the Columbia and Challenger space shuttle accidents. See this post about "shooting the messenger," and I especially recommend following-up on Amy Edmondson's research if you are interested in this issues of speaking-up and psychological safety.

I’ve been doing some blogging lately at BusinessWeek Online about Toxic Bosses,
and will be doing so for the next few weeks with Ben Dattner and Annie McKee. There is also blogging by
various experts — along with lots of comments from readers — on other business at work issues including work-life balance, staying entrepreneurial, time
management, negotiating bureaucracy, and generational issues.  Blogging in concert with what is published in
a major magazine like BusinessWeek
isn’t new. In fact,  BusinessWeek has been the
leader among major business magazine in producing diverse and high quality online
content — light years ahead of Fortune, for example. BUT they really going to
extremes to produce their summer double issue on Business@Work, using a kind of modified Wisdom of
Crowds or “open source” approach.

Michelle Conlin,
the BusinessWeek editor I am working with,
puts it that this way: “We are reverse engineering the news-gathering process.
Rather than us going out to craft and gather the story, we are going to let
readers guide us through their questions and comments on our blogs online.
Coupled with posts from experts, we will use the material generated online to
create the print version. It's the opposite of how we normally do things.”

How about that? I have often accused people in the
publishing industry of a stunning lack of courage and creativity (The second
paragraph of Weird Ideas
That Work introduces an example of a publishing firm that wants to innovate, but doesn’t
have the will to do so. In essence, they wanted the money from creativity, but
didn’t want to take any risks). BusinessWeek
is taking a substantial risk with this approach, and I applaud their courage.  Check-out these blogs and make some comments — you may end-up in the pages of BusinessWeek
in a couple months!

P.S. Here is a press release about it.

This charming article in Esquire by Roy Blount Jr. argues that "We
don't need any more assholes. We need a son of a bitch."  I love his
arguments that there is a difference between people who are abrasive and
admirable versus people who are simply demeaning and narrow-minded
creeps . As I've written here before, The No Asshole Rule is not an argument for being a doormat or wimp, and I am a strong believer in the power of constructive conflict. Recall that one of the 15 things I believe is: 
Learn how to fight as if you are right and listen as if you are wrong:
It helps you develop strong opinions that are weakly held. I also love the picture of the box that goes with the article too.  Check it out.

Dr. Bruce Kone of the University of Florida was involved in a controversy this Spring about (allegedly) inappropriate inactions involving the admission of a student.  There is a lot of finger-pointing going on in this story, but two facts are pretty clear.  First, as part of the controversy, then Dean Kone sent a rather nasty email to several Florida administrators, that led to a public apology on his part.  Second, Dr. Kone was removed as Dean of the Medical School shortly thereafter. 

It is unclear if Dr. Kone lost his job just because of the email, there were a lot of other things going on (he did seem to have overly close personal connections to the student he admitted and there are some hints from the news stories that he was breeding a climate of fear at the school). But I confess that, for me, this story had special resonance as I think I am most prone toward becoming temporary asshole on email, and have learned — the hard way — to keep censoring myself.  An IT guy I know showed me that he has his email set-up so that it takes a full five minutes for his email to go out after he hits "send." I think I will go in and set that up.  Also, another part of this story we should all remember — many, or perhaps most, of our employers have can go back and read the emails we send.  

Finally, alas, I don't find the nastiness here very surprising, as academia, and especially, medicine have well-deserved reputations for being prone to asshole poisoning, and here we have both worlds at work — although some doctors are fighting back admirably.

I got this email the other day.  It sounds like PBS is doing a “reality TV”
version of The Office — with coaching from experts. Contact them if you are interested:

We’re looking for people who would
be suitable for either of the following opportunities: 1. Do relationship
issues in the workplace affect the running of your company? Do you want to
improve your working environment, resolve conflict or improve communication?
Would you like to go for coaching with a successful, well-respected
organizational consultant? The “NOVA” show on PBS is making a
documentary about relationships, and we’re looking for people prepared to talk
honestly about the interpersonal challenges in their workplace. Coaching will
be provided at no extra cost. This is an opportunity for you to resolve
problems — perfect for small companies or start-ups or for larger
organizations. If you’re interested in participating, or know someone who might
be, please e-mail us, in confidence, and put “ProfNet – workplace
relationships” in the subject line. 2. Unhappy at work? Are you currently
having, or have you recently had, difficult relationships with your boss or
co-workers? Is their behavior making your life miserable, and are you having
trouble communicating? Would you like to go for coaching?

PBS television is making a
documentary about relationships, and we’re looking for someone to openly speak
about their difficult interpersonal experiences at work, and to undergo
coaching by a highly successful, industry-respected organizational consultant
(which will be provided at no cost). We will be highlighting the impact that
workplace relationships can have on emotional health. This is an opportunity
for you to finally resolve your problems with your boss or colleague. If you’re
interested in participating, or know someone who might be, please e-mail us, in
confidence, with “ProfNet – workplace unhappiness” in the subject
line.

This series is being produced by
Kunhardt Productions (www.kunhardtproductions.com).
Contact: Talya Boston, relationshipsfilm@gmail.com