I just received this email this morning, a note from a U.S. Marine officer who said some nice things about The No Asshole Rule. I am opposed to violence or threats of violence. At the same time, I confess that couldn’t help sympathizing with the Marine who sent me this story. The No Asshole Rule talks about how, when you face an overbearing asshole, there are times when intimidation and power games are the only way to protect yourself and your organization. Pulling out a gun and threatening to hurt someone are desperate actions, and this Marine is not proud of what he did, but at the same time, he was in desperate straights and was committed to doing what was best for his fellow Marines. Read the story and let me know what you think.
Here is his story, unedited (except for a couple typos):
I’m reminded of a story of
my own which I’d like to share with you. I was part of a special project for
the Marine Corps. I was in a leadership role actively playing a part in the
physical military operations and the academic/management part ruled by civilian
contractors. Because of my education, I was tasked to play a liaison role which
often meant bearing ill will from both parties as I tried to explain their
intentions to the others. Right off the bat, a member of the civilian
management team rubbed me the wrong way. I wasn’t sure what it was until he
severely berated one of my senior Marines, telling him at one point that
"we had all taken a oath to defend this Nation." I was offended by
that. I knew for a fact he took no such oath. But more importantly, I believed
that he was acting in a manner in which he thought was consistent with military
leadership– an assumption he developed from watching too many movies.
I held my tongue at the moment but that
evening during our After Action Review, I brought the issue up. We were seated
across from each other at a conference table. As soon as I aired my complaints,
he puffed up in his chair, put both hands on the table and started looking at
me menacingly. He was a large man– about six and a half feet and easily 250
pounds. At that moment, I realized that he was trying to physically intimidate
me. I’m much smaller– about 5’10" and 190 pounds. I could tell that this
was a natural reaction to him and he did this often. For a moment I was amused.
When he continued to glare at me, I finally drew my sidearm, placed it on the table and
said to him, "Calm down. I deal in real violence." He settled down
and walked out of the office a couple of minutes later. I hoped that this
encounter would shift his behavior but it didn’t. He was a senior member of the
team and he started treating everybody else worse. Me– he mostly left alone. I
think I made my life better but I sure didn’t do anything to make my teammates
lives easier. Eventually, the most senior member of the civilian team
removed him but not before I threatened to "accidentally" hurt him in
training. I’m not proud I had to resort to that.
This was my first contact
with the civilian management world and I was not impressed. Unfortunately, my
experiences after haven’t been much better. We certainly have our share of
lousy leaders in the military world but I was surprised to see how much
backstabbing and political in-fighting existed in civilian leadership circle.
Like other aspects of organization life, dealing with assholes is a tough thing to do, and morality and ethics aren’t always defined by a clean and beautiful line that separates right from wrong. I have mixed and complex reactions to this story. Part of me wants to say "this is wrong, guns and physical threats are always wrong." But the other part says "This Marine was in a bad spot, and took the only effective course of action available to him." I would appreciate other opinions, as this one has me troubled.
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