In The No Asshole Rule, and in my asshole management tips, I talk about all sorts of different ways to engage with and undermine assholes, everything from direct confrontation to building coalition against them, to embarrassing them. But I also point out that learning the art of indifference and emotional detachment, to not let them tough your soul, is at times the best thing you can do to protect yourself. I mostly have recommended this strategy for people trapped with assholes who, at least for now, they can't escape. But I was fascinated by a story in today's Wall Street Journal called "Are Misbehavin" about all the awful rude things that theater goers do these days — not because they do so many rude things, but because of the way that one performer dealt with a remarkably rude audience member:
man walked in late and called up to actress Tovah Feldshuh to halt her
monologue until he got settled. "He shouted, 'Can you please wait a
second?' and then continued on toward his seat," recalls Nick Ahlers, a
science teacher from Newark, N.J., who was in the audience. He says the
actress complied.
Ms. Feldshuh says she typically pauses when she's interrupted. She
doesn't recall the incident, which she says may be evidence of the Zen
attitude she's cultivated onstage. "I have no negative energy about it
to even remember," she says.
I am in awe of Ms. Feldhush's ability to not let such awful behavior touch her soul, to protect her mental health and ability to perform without getting rattled. Her comment about not having the negative energy to even remember it is just lovely, and to me, a sign of great focus and mental health — indeed, as I've discussed here before, people who ruminate over slights and remain bitter (compared to those who forgive others) generally suffer better mental health.
Yet, part of me wonders if a better strategy is still to fight back, to not let those assholes get away with their dirty work, as in this example from the story:
Earlier this year, Patti LuPone lit up gossip blogs when she broke
character in "Gypsy" to scream at an audience member taking pictures.
Ms. LuPone says her frustration boiled over. "I had just had 10 months of pointing out to ushers texting,
pointing out to ushers videoing, pointing out to ushers somebody on a
phone," she says. "I just freaked."
I wonder what thoughts people have about when it is best to "go Zen" versus fighting back, and if there is a constructive middle ground (perhaps going Zen during the rudeness, but then having a system where the asshole is not allowed to buy a ticket again, much like the "blacklist" that some major airlines use to ban asshole passengers).
P.S. Also check out this story on LA Theatre Etiquette — good fun.
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