I just got this charming and heart-warming email:
Dr.
Sutton,
My grandmother is 91 this year. I
have been interviewing her attempting to gather her ingredients for living a
‘well lived life.’ See www.awojecki.typepad.com/aw
She has developed a recipe of ten
ingredients for the well lived life. Certainly, any recipe for a well-lived life
would include avoiding assholes to some degree. Her ingredients weren’t
necessarily focused on organizational structures or practices, but I think her
ingredients have resonance in shaping interpersonal perspectives on more
engaging and interesting workplaces.
I’m attempting to write a book for
her in 38 days which will be a testimony to her recipe for living the good life.
It will be her Christmas present. I’m looking for people who might be interested
in sharing some of their own ingredients for a life well lived.
What key principles, themes, or
practices do you embody in living life to its fullest? Is there a story or
example you could share?
Please feel free to pass on the
website above to others as I’m attempting to build a larger conversation on
recipes for a well lived life.
I appreciate your
time.
Cheers,
Andrew
Wojecki
I encourage people to contact Andrew and to help him with this project, as it sounds both inspiring and fun. It reminds me of The Happiness Project, which I just love.
I guess I have two initial answers for Andrew. In general, the question of ingredients to a well-lived life are hinted at in my 15 things that I believe , which is on the main page of this blog. But if I was to pick a single lesson or story that I’ve learned from working on The No Asshole Rule, it would be this lovely Kurt Vonnegut poem and the story surrounding it,
As I’ve written here before, here is how I set up the Vonnegut lesson in the book:
‘If you read or watch TV programs about
business or sports, you often see the world framed as place where everyone
wants “more more more” for “me me me,” every minute in every way.
The old bumper sticker sums it up: “Whoever dies with the most toys wins.” The
potent but usually unstated message is that we are all trapped in a life-long
contest where people can never get enough money, prestige, victories, cool
stuff, beauty, or sex – and that we do want and should want more goodies than
everyone else.
This attitude fuels a quest for constant
improvement that has a big upside, leading to everything from more beautiful
athletic and artistic performances, to more elegant and functional products, to
better surgical procedures and medicines, to more effective and humane
organizations. Yet when taken too far,
this blend of constant dissatisfaction, unquenchable desires, and overbearing
competitiveness can damage your mental health. It can lead you to treat those “below” you as inferior creatures who are
worthy of your disdain and people "above" you who have more stuff and status as
objects of envy and jealousy.
Again, a bit of framing can help. Tell yourself, “I have enough.” Certainly,
some people need more than they have, as many people on earth still need a safe
place to live, enough good food to eat, and other necessities. But too many of
us are never satisfied and feel constantly slighted, even though – by objective
standards – we have all we need to live a good life. I got this idea from a lovely little poem
that Kurt Vonnegut published in The New
Yorker called “Joe Heller,” which was about the author of the renowned
World War II novel Catch 22. As you can see, the poem describes a party
that Heller and Vonnegut attended at a billionaire’s house. Heller remarks to Vonnegut that he has
something that the billionaire can never have, "The knowledge that I’ve
got enough." These wise words
provide a frame that can help you be at peace with yourself and to treat those
around you with affection and respect:
Joe Heller
True story, Word of Honor:
Joseph Heller, an important and funny writer
now dead,
and I were at a party given by a billionaire
on Shelter Island.
I said, "Joe, how does it make you feel
to know that our host only yesterday
may have made more money
than your novel ‘Catch-22’
has earned in its entire history?"
And Joe said, "I’ve got something he can never have."
And I said, "What on earth could that be, Joe?"
And Joe said, "The knowledge that I’ve got enough."
Not bad! Rest in peace!"
–Kurt Vonnegut
The New Yorker,
May 16th, 2005
P.S. If you are in a Vonnegut kind of mood, check out this great post on "15 Things that Vonnegut Said Better That Anyone Else." My favorite of the bunch — because it rings so true and is backed by so much scary research — is "We must be careful about what we pretend to be."
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